I go in to be induced on Thursday morning at 4 a.m. The reality of the fact that I will soon have 4 kids hasn't set in yet. I'm not sure if that's a good thing...or a bad thing. I have so many different thoughts running through my head. Things I want to remember about being pregnant, about this pregnancy. Thoughts on this baby that will soon be joining our family. Where do I begin?
I feel like I've done good at recording different things along the way. My cravings, my thoughts, the baby's progress. I'm trying to think of anything I might be forgetting. It's kind of crazy knowing that there's a phase in my life that's about to come to an end. As much as I know this will be the last child and I feel good about that decision, I have a hard time realizing this is the last one. The last time I will feel the miracle of life living inside me. Being the only one to know this little person. I've been it's home for 9 months and now I have to share it with the world. I do love many things about being pregnant...it's just harder to think of those things at this stage when I feel so ready to meet this baby!
I will miss watching my stomach move all over the place, wondering if there's a circus underway in there. Wondering what this little bump or that little bump is. "Chasing" the baby with my hand. The funny cravings that this little thing makes me want. (Ice!, anything with vinegar...mustard, salt and vinegar chips, pickles) just to name a few. I love the wonderment that comes with carrying a baby. Who will it look like? What will it be like? Is it a boy or a girl? What will it's name be? The anticipation...what will my labor be like? The excitement of those first few seconds when they place the baby in my arms and I don't know how I ever lived without them. Those are the things I love about pregnancy. Those are the things I will miss.
So, only a few more days baby. Your almost done being cramped in there. And I know you are because you push on moms stomach in ways I didn't know I could be stretched! I'm so excited to meet this little gymnast. To know if I have another son, or another daughter. To feel the same intense love I have felt with every baby that's been placed in my arms. You have some older sisters that are more than thrilled to meet you! There has not been one day since telling them we were expecting you that they haven't talked about you. They have taken turns everyday reading your progress and what's going on inside from our daily calendar. They've made this pregnancy feel like 19 months instead of 9!;) But that's OK because I love seeing how excited they are and knowing what good hands you'll be in with those two protectors. Your big brother...we will see!;) He will love you...for a few seconds and then probably be "done". He will be a sweet big brother...at times. I'm guessing he will have a hard time sharing mom for the first while. He's pretty attached and doesn't like to share mom. It will be good for him to learn through a younger sibling. And I plan to give you as much time and attention as I can. I want to enjoy you, my sweet little baby. To take in everything everyday. I don't want to miss anything. You are my last and I want to enjoy you. So, the next time I post, you will have joined our family! I can't wait to meet you little one. love, mom
1 comment:
you'll be so happy you wrote this!
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